Mutually Lonely Pleasure
by Sagakure
Summary: One-shot, Kaname x Yuuki lemon. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, it was wrong and dangerous for so many reasons, but... he just couldn’t stop himself. It was too compelling, too irresistible. And he already denied himself so harshly on a daily basis...


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Title: Mutually Lonely Pleasure.

_**Pairing: Kaname x Yuuki**_

_**Warning:** Self-pleasure, and l__emony stuff right from the beginning. XD _

_It shouldn't be spoilery for the manga or anime. I tried not to make it spoilery, in any case. It could be passed at any time in the academy._

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~ Part One ~

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He shouldn't be doing this, he knew it, it was wrong and dangerous for so many reasons, but… he just couldn't stop himself. He tightened his grip slightly, letting his fingers glide smoothly along the length, holding back a soft gasp at the renewed wave of sensations.

_I should stop now, before it goes too far…_

The last time he allowed himself to be so lost in these sensations, he had been unable to go to class for two nights, too wrung up to dare taking the risk of crossing Yuuki outside, even in front of others. The temptation was too strong, the image of her still burning in his mind even after the sensations faded away, somehow more real and present than it already normally was.

But it was too compelling, too irresistible, too strong. And he already denied himself so harshly on a daily basis... No blood, no anything. Not allowing himself to linger too close to her, regardless of how much he yearned for it; precisely _because_ he yearned too much for her, _because_ he feared that if he did approach too much, he would be unable to resist the temptation any further, his mind automatically producing excuses to try to convince him that he should just give in, and that she would welcome his bite.

Because she would, clearly. She did love him after all. Didn't she? It was clear enough, despite his inevitable fears whenever he stayed away from her for too long.

But he couldn't rush things, couldn't risk ruining the balance of the situation and making her choose too hastily what she wanted to make of her future. The choice would change her entire life, so it had to be hers, he couldn't possibly allow himself to interfere and influence her decision. He had to wait, lost in his loneliness, until she decided whether she wanted him or not. Until she hopefully made the choice to rescue his heart and allow him to stand next to her for eternity.

But here, in the intimacy of his bedroom, alone on the rumpled silk sheets of his large four-post bed, he could allow himself a harmless fantasy, a small fulfillment of those terribly bottled up desires that he couldn't possibly indulge in yet.

His breath drew more ragged, the images in his mind feeling more real as his fingers traveled over the throbbing length of his hardened flesh. With one hand, he toyed with the foreskin, pulling it back, revealing himself, his breath hitching in his throat as the cold air hit the tip and the sensations were heightened by the illusion playing in his mind.

A vampire's mind could be so powerful with such things, making it all seem so vividly real, the power of the mind over the body making it all feel… too real. So much more real than anything a human mind could conjure. Her hands were on his aroused flesh, marking him, claiming him, making him nearly lose himself in her butterfly touches. It didn't matter that in truth it was just his own hand. His eyes were closed, and the illusion was everything.

He hesitantly slid two fingers into his own mouth, sucking on them, running his tongue along them to wet them thoroughly before returning his attentions to his arousal. The wet fingers were now gliding over the uncovered tip, pushing him closer to the edge with the idea that perhaps it felt a little bit how her tongue would feel on him.

His toes curled against the sheets and he threw his head back on the pillow, mouth open in a silent gasp as the rhythmic motions of his other hand grew more urgent, picking up speed.

It was a good thing that the Moon Dorm building was entirely sound proof, to protect the vampires' sensitive hearing. It wouldn't do to have someone pass in the corridor and hear Kaname Kuran of all people moaning loudly in wanton pleasure, all composure and decorum cast aside. And he feared that very soon, he would be lost enough to be unable to hold back the whimpers that kept threatening to spill from his luscious lips.

Inside the illusion brought up by his starved imagination, Yuuki was touching him in a way that felt so deliciously good that it couldn't possibly be a thing of this world. The sensations built up rapidly until he felt himself falling over the edge and spilling himself with a muffled cry of pleasure he couldn't possibly hold back. He bit his own hand to keep his voice down while he pumped himself into his fist roughly, milking the sensations until it trickled away and he was completely spent, chest heaving softly and body still shivering with the last ripples of pleasure from his climax.

But as the afterglow faded away, he inevitably felt a little empty, alone sprawled naked on his bed, unruly dark hair splayed on the pillows, body damp with sweat and sticky with the quickly-cooling-down proof of his fading pleasure splattered all over his fingers and abdomen, making him feel more than a little lonely.

He turned to the side and buried his face into the pillows, clenching his jaw as he whispered painfully "Yuuki…", feeling like he had soiled something sacred with such lewd acts.

He hoped more than anything that she loved him as much as he loved her, and he dreamed of her wanting him as he wanted her, but somehow, pleasuring himself to that image seemed almost wrong, because she wasn't aware of him doing this, and so in a way, in his eyes at least it was as if he was taking advantage of the mental image he formed of her in his imagination.

He felt dirty suddenly, not just physically, and an irrepressible urge to wash up forced him to get up. The bedsheets were damp with perspiration and fluids, and he tossed them roughly into the laundry box as he entered the bathroom.

_Unforgivable… just unforgivable…_

He chastised himself for having given in to the lust, unable to resist the image of her in his mind when it beckoned for him.

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_~ Part Two ~_

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"Uhnnn…… Ka…Kaname…"

She knew the water falling into the bathtub would muffle the sound of her breathless voice, and yet, her face burned in embarrassment at how bold she was, uttering his name aloud in such a manner, her voice filled with desire as she pleasured herself, the image of his face clearly visible behind her closed lids.

His lips, his fingers… other parts of his body that she had only seen in her wildest dreams… In her fantasy, he would smile at her lovingly, his gentle gaze seeping with that warmth that she was used to feel radiating from him. She only wished his eyes were devoid of the soul-deep sadness they were always filled with. She wanted to see his eyes filled with nothing but happiness, love for her… and desire, although the flush taking over her features deepened even further at the mere idea of lust on Kaname's face… she daydreamed of how his eyes would look, filled with want, with hunger for her, his skin flushed from desire, his lips parted in a sigh of pleasure.

The mere thought of such a thing was almost enough to push her over the edge, and her movements became more erratic and almost rough. She clenched her jaw tightly by fear of moaning louder than the sounds of the water falling in the bathtub.

She ran her free hand over her breasts, gripping one tightly, fondling a delicate nipple with her eyes closed, imagining that it was Kaname's fingers, just like she imagined that his fingers, his lips, his tongue were elsewhere on her body, driving her closer and closer to climax. She leaned her head against the back of the bathtub, eyes squeezed tight shut as her legs thrashed slightly under the water, her hips thrusting forward into her hand as she neared completion. Her breathing was now completely chaotic, and it took all her will not to make more noise.

Her adoptive father would be as oblivious as ever, but Zero had a vampire's hearing, and she had to be careful. She was pretty sure she would die of embarrassment if he heard her… _doing it_.

Much more if he heard her do so crying out Kaname's name, leaving no doubts on what she was doing during her rather long baths.

It was harder and harder to hold back her moans however, as she felt herself nearing the edge. She clamped one hand over her mouth forcefully to hold back a cry of pleasure as she imagined Kaname's face between her legs, his hands caressing and parting her legs, his soft lips covering her intimacy, as his tongue darted out to the one spot that felt like the center of her whole body at the moment. Water spilled out of the bathtub when her legs convulsed with the delicious spasms of her release. She cried out his name over and over in silent screams of bliss, her lips mouthing his name without letting any sound escape them.

Her whole body was still shaking with the almost electric tingling that followed her climax, but her mind was sobering up fast, and with it came the inevitable guilt she always felt whenever she indulged too much in those fantasies and went too far.

When she was in the heat of things, nothing seemed too much, no uninhibited mind image was too salacious, but as soon as reality came crashing back, she would inevitable mope about her thoughts and urges, and feel terribly guilty that she was soiling something sacred, afraid that she was somehow taking advantage of him.

Kaname had always been there for her, her whole life, or at least as much of it as she could remember. But he was just too much, too wonderful, too perfect, too far away for her to ever reach him. She could never truly have him, she thought. Someone like him couldn't possibly return her feelings. She had tried so hard to make herself believe that and distance herself from him so that she would stop hoping and maybe be able to eventually let go, but it just wasn't possible. No matter how much she pushed him away, her feelings only returned tenfold.

And the feelings were already one thing: sometimes she even thought that she might be a burden to him by having those feelings. But imagining him the way she imagined him when she did this… that was another thing altogether; she couldn't help but feel she was disrespecting him, or even taking advantage of him. Whenever she did it, she was unable to look him in the eyes, the next day, sometimes even for two or three days.

She feared that if he knew, his gentle warm eyes would turn cold and filled with disgust, and he would back away from her swiftly, shocked by the vulgarity of her thoughts and actions, revulsed by her very presence.

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Unbeknownst to the two of them, they were both washing up after the same act, both having the same thoughts and the same shame-filled fears right at the same time –he had gone to bed early, shortly after returning from class and she had gone for a bath after patrolling the school and ensuring that the Night Class had returned to their dorms, so they had reached climax around the same time...

One may wonder, if two people imagine they are with each other, experience pleasure through the image –illusory as it may be— of each other, and finally reach completion on same time, sharing the same feelings and the same longing, would their love transcend the physical distance and count as if they were actually making love to each other, rather than merely enjoying a lonely pleasure...?

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~ The End ~

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_Strange ending, maybe. XD; *wanted to finish with the idea that Kaname and Yuuki were together through their feelings despite being physically apart while imagining each other* Hence also the whole parallel about them having the same ideas and the same fears._

_They have perfect timing. *lol* (Or maybe seeing each other at the end of patrol/after the end of classes made both feel in the mood and each returned home to do it? XD_

_Now if only they stopped being afraid and just told each other their feelings so that they could do it together instead of apart! XD_


End file.
